Post by The International Lapooska on Nov 28, 2017 4:41:51 GMT -5
New England Disassociated Press: Senator Franken, who has recently suffered reputation damage an some legal scrutiny, for certain failed seduction attempts, which were considered perfidious, released a tape today, which begins with his apology, delivered from a rented hotel room. At its commencement, he states, "I'm very embarrassed, ashamed by all of this- and really need to get laid! I'm very sorry, that I've let a lot of people down- people who might like to comment, when they see me "Look, there comes ol; Home Run Al!" with a smile... But now people will say, "Hey, Look! It's Strike Out Al! Ha!" instead! People will think, maybe I've got a body odor problem, or something! I just can't stand this reputation malefaction- I've got a samurai sword, and I've constructed a sacred circle for Hari Kari, right here in my room- I'm goint to put an end to it all, right here- maybe people will value this tape, and remember me for the horny sort of fellow I was... Current conditions in America aren't good for seductions, and I think it might be due to the Synthetic Money system! I've got a little statue of Amaterasu here, the Shinto goddess, who will guide me out of this Life into the Next... I'm..."- Just then, the door opens, interrupting, and a woman enters- one of the women who accused him of improper sexual advances: "Hey, Sweetie! That samurai sword won't do anything for that rocket in your pocket- but I can!... and all those other girls who've turned you down, who are in the room which we've rented right next door, waiting for you! We were all just testing you, really- didn't want to get together with you in such a socially trafficked situation. You've got it, Baby- all of us feel this, the same way!" She lifted him gently from his chair, pleasantly surprised and astonished, and leads him out the door into the empty hallway, towards the next door room, as the video ends...